Hey Lykkers! Have you ever met an old friend at a reunion or started chatting with someone new at a party? After a quick hello, do you often ask, “What do you do?” If you do, you're not alone! But recently, many social discussions suggest that this question might not be the best way to kick off a conversation.

Let's dig into why and what you can ask instead to make your chats more comfortable and fun!

It's Not Just About Work

When we ask someone, “What do you do?” it might seem like a harmless question. But according to Joanne Lipman, author of Next! The Power of Reinvention in Life and Work, this question carries more weight than we think. It can imply that we're trying to judge their social status, income, or education level.

Some people feel uncomfortable answering this, especially if they're between jobs, taking care of family, freelancing, or have recently been laid off. It can make them feel like their worth is tied to their job title, which isn't fair at all.

Why It Feels Personal

Imagine being a stay-at-home parent or someone who recently left their job. Being asked about work could feel like a subtle judgment. On forums like Reddit, many users have shared how uncomfortable they feel when asked this question, as it puts pressure on them to define themselves through their work.

Ashley Scott, 35, who has been laid off twice, admitted that she often tells people she's “going back to school” rather than explaining her employment situation. She realized that if she mentioned being in between jobs, people's attitudes toward her would change, making her feel like a failure.

Work Isn't Everything

For many people, work isn't just a way to make money—it's how they define themselves. Psychologists call this “enmeshment,” where people blend their identity with their job. This is why being unemployed or lacking a fancy job title can make people question their own worth.

Especially after the COVID-19 pandemic, when unemployment rates soared, many started rethinking the role of work in their lives. According to BBC, during the pandemic, US unemployment hit 15%, and after that, big tech companies like Meta laid off thousands of employees. Many affected workers realized they didn't want to be defined by their jobs anymore and started exploring other passions.

Young People Think Differently

Younger generations, especially Gen Z, view work differently. A 2023 LinkedIn survey of over 7,000 employees found that 64% of Gen Z respondents believe it's important to find work that aligns with their personal values. For them, a good job isn't just about working for a big company but doing something meaningful or building a personal brand.

Danielle Farage, a marketing director at a startup, graduated from USC in 2020. She believes that finding a job that matches her interests is more fulfilling than chasing a high-status position. Younger workers also value work-life balance more, refusing to sacrifice their personal lives for a prestigious title.

How to Ask Better Questions

So, how can we avoid making others uncomfortable while still getting to know them? Try asking these two questions instead:

“What do you enjoy doing in your free time?”

“What makes you happy these days?”

These questions shift the focus away from work and give people the chance to share their passions or hobbies. It's a more inclusive way to start a conversation and makes the other person feel valued beyond their job.

How to Answer Work-Related Questions Differently

If someone asks about your work, there's also a better way to respond. Instead of giving your job title or company name, talk about what you enjoy or are passionate about. For example, instead of saying, “I'm an editor at a magazine,” try saying, “I love interviewing people and exploring business strategies.” This makes the conversation more interesting and invites follow-up questions.

Finding New Interests Beyond Work

Joanne Lipman suggests that finding interests outside of work can also redefine our self-worth. Take Angela Calman, 52, who had to leave her beloved job as a news anchor due to a rare illness. Instead of feeling lost, she used her media experience to document and share her journey with others who had similar conditions.

By spending time with her kids and running marathons, Angela discovered new dimensions of herself beyond her career. This proves that we can all redefine our identities by pursuing hobbies and passions that give us a sense of fulfillment.

Try This Next Time!

Next time you meet someone new or catch up with an old friend, skip the “What do you do?” question. Try asking about their interests or what makes them happy. You might just open the door to a deeper, more meaningful conversation.

What do you think, Lykkers? Will you give these new questions a try at your next gathering? Let's make our conversations more about who we are, not just what we do!